Investing in myself

I had this whole other post I was going to make today, but I have decided to table that post for tomorrow or Sunday because something pretty major happened to me today and it really kicked this whole thing up a notch.

I have mentioned a few times that I have been receiving bunches of great support from this blog, which I guess was part of the point. I love to write, but when I put my writing in the world, it is very rarely a serious look into who I really am. I tend to keep my writing light, or focused on things like movies. But, like my lifestyle change, it was time to sort out what is going on with me on a deeper level and writing is how I have always processed my own life. If I happen to inspire someone else, or motivate someone else in the process, awesome. I live to inspire people, so that is awesome. Mostly, though, I need to inspire myself. This blog is a way for me to gauge how I am feeling, track trends in my own motivations and it gives me something to look back on during struggles and it helps hold me accountable for my own life. Well, something happened today that really made me pause and re-evaluate my own determination in this.

One of those messages of support came from a girl I have known since 7th grade. Now, I do not want to mislead you and say we are close friends, because we are not. I have not spoken to this girl in nearly 15 years, but in middle school she was one of the few people who did not make my life a living hell. This girl has a gorgeous family now and sent me a message that she wanted to send me a little gift of encouragement, so I gave her my address without thinking too much about it. Today I came home to find a package at my door. When I opened it I found a CD, a jay full of inspirational quotes and a gift card to Fleet Feet sports store in Davis for an amount that allow me to buy new shoes. That is right, this woman who I have not really spoken to in 15 years at least, decided that she and her husband and family would invest in me a little bit. I was reduced to a quivering mess for at least 30 minutes this afternoon. Who am I to take this gift from someone else? I am not worth this person's generosity.

After the usual battling within myself, I realized something. With the exception of one of my best friends, everyone has been insanely supportive and reassuring during this time. Now comes this incredibly generous gift. This woman who has no reason to really believe in me, believes in me. There is something about me that made her decide I was worth this investment, so why do I keep trying not to invest in myself? At some point, don't I have to stop fighting myself and just say "You know what, I am worth this." So, for today, I am saying I am worth it. Will I feel that way tomorrow? I haven't the slightest clue, but today I am. So before I could think too much about it, I jumped in my car and drove to Fleet Feet. The woman sat me down, measured my feet, watched how I stood, how I walked and listened to me tell her about the problems I have with pain and with my weight and came back with the shoes in the picture of this post. I tried them on and for the first time in YEARS, it did not hurt to walk. I invested in some soles to help with my odd walk, I bought this thing for the tendinitis in my right knee that should help that pain and I bought socks that will keep my feet from blistering. My old friend invested in me and so I invested in myself. The shoes are amazing and all of the accessories I bought will, hopefully, take the rest of the intense pain away, or at least alleviate it.

Today was more just about the shoes, though. While I was out, I went and bought a bunch of healthier food to keep around my house. I have a bunch of the boxed unhealthy pasta left, but I really needed to get some healthy food. It is time to stop talking about making drastic changes and start making them.

Having the right people around makes all of the difference, but I also know that this woman would not have made this amazing gift if she did not see something in what I write here, or what I post on Facebook that makes her think I am worth it. You really have no idea who is watching you, who is listening to you and who can help you at some point in life. It is a nice reminder that how you conduct yourself in the world can help or hurt you. People are famous for saying nice guys finish last, but I like to think I have a pretty healthy reputation for being a nice guy, and with support like this, and constant encouragement from Martina and Erik, I know I am nowhere near finishing last.