April first will mark the end of the second year of my journey to health. In year one I lost over 50 pounds and started to get a handle on my emotional health. In year two I lost a little under 30 pounds, putting my total weight loss thus far just a shade under 80 pounds. It does not feel like it that much, if I am being honest. I can see that I have lost weight, but I thought an 80 lb. loss would look much more dramatic. Of course, part of the reason why it does not look so dramatic is because I have a naturally wide and big frame. What I learned in year two is far more important than how much I lost though. In my second year of health, I stopped drinking soda completely, I have gone 3 full months without any fast food, and have only craved it twice. In my second year of health I did a hike I never would have imagined doing even 2 years ago. In my second year I learned how to conquer my fear. I have almost no fear of this journey now. A life lived with minimal fear is a stellar thing.
The last 365 days have taught me so much about myself. Last summer I very nearly had a teaching job, and then lost it last minute. Instead of throwing me into a tail spin, I just kept believing something would happen. Then something did happen and I landed a great job for a first year teacher. Year two saw Martina join me big time on a quest for health and now she has become the biggest inspiration for my own journey. Year two is when I really took my mental health by storm. I stopped blaming myself for the choices I made in my past. I stopped allowing other people to make me feel bad about myself. I started to truly get rid of the toxic relationships of my life. It was also the year I started to conquer real life problems. I am beginning to pay back my student loans (only 9 years left!!), I live on a real budget. I shop for food responsibly now. I look forward to learning how to cook delicious and healthy meals. I find myself Googling salad recipes randomly, I mean who does that?
Where does that leave me? I have 3 dress shirts that I love that I can no longer wear, but am still too obese to buy dress shirts in the "regular" section of a store. I am still obese. I still ache if I do too much walking. There is still so much work to be done. There is still so much weight to lose. There is still so much work to do until I feel healthy enough to feel like I am going to be on this planet for a long time. The best things I have going forward are optimism and history. I know that I can do it because each year I have gotten healthier in some way. I conquered a massive hike last weekend, a hike that a year ago I would have quit. I can conquer whatever comes next. The goal is to keep moving forward.
The big goal for this year is to take advantage of "me time" when I get it. This summer I will have bunches of time and I have a plan of how I am going to take advantage of it. Every day will consist of two work outs. Yes, two. In the morning I plan to run 6 days a week. The eventual goal is to conquer my fear of running a 5K with other people. Later in the day, I will be doing strength training. With the money I will save on gas from not driving 130 miles a day, I am going to get some personal training sessions at our gym. I need a good starting point. I believe this is going to be the year where I really conquer my physical health. I can feel it deep inside myself. I think I am overcoming those last things that have been holding me back. Also this summer I am planning to write a novel. I mention this because I think it will help me in my health quest because I am planning to write it about food addiction. I am already very excited about this summer and I just have 9 weeks to go until I get there.
3 years ago I never would have imagined doing the things I have done the last two years. It starts with being honest with myself and with everyone who has been reading over the years. I never imagined kicking my dependency on soda and energy drinks. I never thought I could go months without any fast food. I have basically eliminated beef from my regular diet. I eat chicken like a fiend now and growing up I hated it. I have gone on two pretty gnarly hikes. I spent a whole summer running nearly every day. I own running shoes. I wore out a pair of running shoes! I have forgiven myself for things I had been holding onto for nearly a decade. I have allowed people to help me when I have needed it. I have realized just how great life is. That last one might be cheesy, but so be it. I have spent so much of life oblivious to how great life can be, that now that I see it, I want everyone else around me to understand how great life can be.
I am thankful to everyone who has read this blog over the last two years. I am thankful for the people who continue to inspire me every day, and thankful for the people who have told me that I have inspired them because those people have, in turn, inspired me. I hope that people will continue to tune in because my journey to health is just getting good!!
What started as a journey for physical and emotion health has morphed into something much bigger. Here you will find musings about my health journey, my teaching job, my re-entry into the world of academia, random thoughts about the world at large, books, movies, television, and ultimately my search for sustained happiness.
