New house, new job, new shoes, renewed motivation?

Well, it has been over a month since I last updated this blog and I apologize for that. Things have been moving at a frantic pace in my life over the last six weeks or so. The promotion I received at work has turned out to be much more time consuming and energy consuming than I imagine it being. For some reason I assumed, since I once managed at a 16 screen, that I would be able to manage at a 5 screen with the same amount of effort. That has not been the case and my body, I think, is still adjusting. It is adjusting to a world where I never sleep before 2:30am and struggle to get out of bed before 11am. This is problematic for a multitude of reasons. First off, if I am getting out of bed at 11, it means I cannot begin my work out until around noon, and by noon it is already so damn hot, it takes even more effort to even attempt to go down the gym. This has set me back some. That coupled with the month I took off from working out to move and everything else, has made my time at the gym frustrating. I am not moving as quickly as I once was; also, I am not healing as quickly as I once was. I cannot run for as long without stopping for walking the way I was before this happened and I need more breaks. My mind is still willing, but my body got used to not working out again. It is shocking how quickly the body forgets how to do things, or at least how to stay strong enough to do them. Also, food has become an issue again. My meal times are super out of whack, and trying to normalize them has been fruitless. I am trying to snack on healthy things before work, then eat dinner at work, then when I get home at 2am, I try to have some grapes while I unwind from work before bed. This has left me hungrier than normal, which makes me crabbier than normal.

On the plus side, the new apartment has a gorgeous swimming pool. However, I am currently suffering some wicked pain in my shoulder making swimming too painful. I know I need to see someone to find out if I have a legitimate injury or just pain that I can stretch out, but without insurance, paying for it becomes an issue. Now, the pool is just a place I go to relax after a work out, which is not how I like to think of a pool. It is all an adjustment right? I need to constantly remind myself that baby steps are better than no steps. One good thing the job brings me is stairs. I am climbing up and down stairs repeatedly at the theater, so I am feeling like I am getting a pretty good work out on a nightly basis there. The job is not the most stimulating job in the world, but it is a jo that allows me to feel good about myself and that allows me to feel like I am contributing something in my life and that aspect of who I am has been missing for far too long.

Another aspect to my summer is the job hunt for a teaching job. I have been down in Santa Cruz, San Jose, Richmond, Stockton and Woodland for interviews. These drives can take huge chunks of my day and that is also cutting into the time I was spending at the gym. The drives also offer me a long time to think about my life and where it is going and where I want it to go. During one of my first interviews one of the members on the panel noticed a lapse in time between the time I began college and finished college and he asked me about it. I was pretty taken by the question, but pausing for a second allowed me to think about how best to answer it. I answered by saying that the first year I was at college I did terribly and decided I was not smart enough for college. Years later I realized I was unhappy at the college and that is why I did poorly. It was not because I was not smart, it was because I did not belong there and was not happy there, therefore trying hard felt like too much work. On these drives to and from these interviews I think to myself that my life is right on the verge of being truly amazing. I love my life. I have this amazing, one of a kind goofball girlfriend who has shown me over and over again that she loves me. Together we live in this cute little apartment, make the most of our poverty together, watch Giants baseball and watch all of the movies. We also have this perfectly adorable, feisty, clumsy kitten who keeps us entertained. Outside of my relationship I have this giant net of people looking out for me. over the last two months 5 people have told me about teaching openings they have heard about. People are constantly supporting me and giving me helpful hints and rooting for me. It is overwhelming and completely baffling, but so incredibly kind and heart warming. I am this one thing away from being exactly where I want to be. I am one job away from feeling like I can really feeling like things could not possibly be better for me. It is such a change for me to have a positive outlook.

yesterday I got my first teaching rejection and it did not fill me with despair the way rejection usually does. If the last 16 months have taught me anything, it is that remaining positive actually helps. This journey, which started as a way to lose weight, has transformed into a journey to lose baggage. It has taught me how to let go of so much of the "stuff" that has held me back for most of my life. Did I really want to teach in Stockton in a district where the superintendent was being accused of withholding money from the schools? Absolutely not! Is it probably a blessing I did not get this particular job, probably. This is who I am now. I am a man who goes out into the world looking for the good instead of the bad. I am not good at it all of the time. I can get mired in my own negativity sometimes, but nothing like I used to. I am no longer stuck in bed for days on end when I have a bad day or two. This is a huge leap forward for me.

Now to use this leap to get myself back on the path to physical health. Year one was phenomenal and the first month of year two I was working so hard and seeing so much in terms of results that I actually felt powerful. May was a complete dud and June has been a month of starts and stops, but see, if May was a waste and June had some starts that means July is only going to be even better. Staying in a place where I am moving forward is essential, which is why I allowed myself to buy new running shoes a few weeks ago. It was not the wisest of choices in terms of the financial crisis in my life, but I felt it was needed. I remember a year or so ago when a friend I had not seen in over a decade took a chance on me by giving me a gift certificate to buy myself running shoes. It was a strong catalyst for me beginning to take a chance on myself. What followed has been documented on this blog, and when time came to get new running shoes, I knew that I once again had to roll the dice on myself and realize that it is a worthwhile investment, if I made it a worthwhile investment. Those shoes are as useful as I make them. It is completely up to me if I wasted the money or not. That is power my friends.

It is power that I wield with confidence. I took control of my life over a year ago, and great things have happened since. It is time to take that control back! I have been working slowly on getting it back, but it is time for the reckless confidence of a man with nothing to lose and only himself to gain. I am so loved by a great amount of people. I am supported by an entire network of social media friends who probably have no idea how much their interest in my life powers me to keep moving. I am constantly reminded I am worth having a great life and now I am living that life. Come join me in living the best life you possibly can. Excuse me while I go run two miles and then pass out.