I am hesitant to post this, honestly. I warn you readers, this may not be pretty. I am a ball of distracted mess this week and it is showing in every aspect of my life.
But first, the good.
-While the walking is not working due to some shoe issues, these shoe issues do not exist when I am running. Now, I am not one to run for fun, so twice this week I played basketball with a mix of teachers and students. I will be making a separate post on basketball (well sports) Tomorrow or Sunday, but the 30 minutes of basketball really felt great.
- I have lost weight. Weighing myself is not something I will do regularly, so do not expect consistent updates about weight loss. I am not really tracking weight loss, I am tracking a better life. Weight loss is part of it, but I have to learn not to rely on it because losing weight is a fickle proposition.
- I did not buy any Rockstars today. Usually Friday after teaching, I grab 2 so I can power them down and stay up on Friday night. This week I am going without and will probably just nap for a bit.
Okay, onto the rest of it
The events of Monday's soda debacle have been recounted on the blog, so with that in mind, here I go. This week was just unbelievably rough. The student related thing I wrote about on Tuesday still linger over my head every day I walk into the classroom and it is a struggle. Thursday kind of was the nail in the coffin of the week and I went to lunch with a friend and picked out like I had not done in a few weeks. I tackled a giant portion of these loaded fries, and then took down a huge plate of nachos all by myself. It was a tremendous feast of embarrassment. As I was eating the final third of the nachos, I just hated myself. I hated that I was still eating, but mostly, I hated how much I was enjoying stuffing my face. It was exactly the reason I got myself here in the first place. I eat my feelings and this whole week I have been feeling awful and for that brief moment of nacho heaven, everything felt right. Ugh, I am disgusted with myself as I type this.
Of course, I paid for it. I paid for it dearly. I am glad for this. My stomach was so upset with me for shoving this much food down into it that it ruined my outing with my cohort friends. This shows that my stomach is already adjusting to my new diet. It does not want me to stuff my face, it wants me to eat in portions. Of course, I will not know if my lesson was learned until the next time I am confronted by this.
One of the hardest parts of being me is that I focus too much on the negative. As this is not just about changing my eating habits, but changing my life habits, I need to learn to let it go. One of the things I realized in my health class this semester is that physical health, emotional health and mental health are all connected. My physical health is going to benefit from a better emotional and mental state of being. There will be times when this blog does not focus on my eating or working out at all, but in how I deal with a crisis, or how I managed to let myself be happy when I accomplish something, which is a big problem for me.
Which brings me to tonight. I have one goal: Just have fun and enjoy this accomplishment.
When I got my B.A I did not let myself celebrate. I kind of went right to the next thing to worry about. Tonight is reason to celebrate. When I was 25 years old and working in a warehouse, moving cans of paint from one side of the warehouse to the other, or washing vans in 103 degree heat, this all seemed so far away. I felt like college was never going to happen for me, but I did it.
I got my B.A and now I will have a Teaching Credential, and you know what, some day in the next 5 or 6 years, I will have a Master's degree as well.
What started as a journey for physical and emotion health has morphed into something much bigger. Here you will find musings about my health journey, my teaching job, my re-entry into the world of academia, random thoughts about the world at large, books, movies, television, and ultimately my search for sustained happiness.
Keep it up Kyle. It's hard not to focus on the negative, so I am glad you are acknowledging the great strides you have already made. The old you would have done the fries and the nachos and THEN had dessert, or had an equally bad dinner. I am glad that you are not viewing this as a diet, but a lifestyle change. If this were just a diet you could slap yourself on the wrist for making a mistake. But with a lifestyle change, just focus on making more good choices than bad ones, and things will start consistently move in your favor.
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