Doctors had no idea how to react when David, 16 years old, had colon Cancer. Imagine how impossible it was for David himself to know how to react. Imagine being 16 years old and hearing from a doctor that he has never heard of a 16 year old with colon Cancer and feeling stumped as to how to even attack it. No one knew how the 16 year old body would react to treatment, and had no idea how the 16 year old maturity level would handle the tough road of colon Cancer. Of course, David was not a typical 16 year old.
This Saturday will mark the 11 year anniversary of David Baxter eventually losing his battle with Cancer. I hope that you will all forgive me going off the usual blog topic for a day for this. David was one of my best friends, he was one of my family's best friends. His parents often acted like second parents for me. I went to school with David's sister and David sort of came of age with my brother and my brother's group of friends. I always felt lucky to be included in that group. My brother, Ben, Sam, David and I would often spend our Friday nights watching movies, playing board games, playing basketball and just enjoying each other's company.
When a loved one passes there is an unfillable void that lingers. 11 years later, it still lingers. David was the best kid I ever met. Before the Cancer hit he was funny, charming, kind, optimistic and always willing to lend a hand. After the Cancer hit he was funny, charming, kind, optimistic and always willing to lend a hand. There is not a day that goes by where I do not find my mind drifting to thoughts of him. I wonder what he would be doing now, or how our relationship would be now. I wish he was here so I could share my current happiness with him. I wonder if my brother and I would be as close if his death had not brought us together to bond in that way. I have lost all four grandparents and 2 uncles, but they lived a full life before they passed. When the person who passes away had been 17 years old for a week before he passed away, it leaves a mark.
For years I looked at October 6th as a day of mourning. Every year I would go to Jamba Juice, go see a movie, listen to Weezer and Pink Floyd, and kind of be sad. The last few years, I changed my perspective. Instead of being sad that my best friend was gone, I started to appreciate the time we did have together. Considered David's 1000 watt smile never wavered, even when he was in the worst pain, I felt I owed it to him to celebrate his life, not mourn his death. I had done enough mourning of the shortness of his spectacular life. Now I still get Jamba Juice, go see a movie, listen to Weezer and Pink Floyd, and to be honest, I get a little sad, but mostly I just think about how much fun we always had together. I think about the final summer of his life and how much time we spent together playing video games, watching movies and watching Bonds jack out home runs.
Last Spring while I was doing my student teaching, we were doing Romeo and Juliet and I was having my students write eulogies. They were to choose someone from their life and they were to eulogize that person. After going over what a eulogy was, my Freshmen were still kind of confused, so I realized I was going to have to model a eulogy for them. I hope that you will all indulge me and allow me to reprint the eulogy I wrote and delivered to my Freshmen about David.
David Baxter could diffuse any tense situation with just a flash of his smile. I know this from experience because there were times when I felt the entirety of our friendship was him cracking a smile and instantly calming me down. One of the best examples of this strikes me, even to this day. David and I went to a Kings game and were surrounded by these 4 loud, drunk awful guys. Throughout the whole game they were giving David and I crap because they overheard me telling David I could not stand Vlade Divac, and Divac was having a good game. Towards the end of the game, one of the guys accidentally spilled his beer on my head, dousing my hat in his beer. It was not done out of malice, but with the whole night building to this moment, I totally lost it. I got up and turned around to yell at them, and one of the guys was completely passed out. I looked over at David and he just had his giant grin plastered on his face and he started to laugh at how ridiculous this whole thing was. Instantly, I started laughing, and the drunk guys even started laughing. When it was all said and done, the guy who ruined my hat gave me $25.00 to go buy a new hat and they apologized profusely. I have no idea how bad it could have gotten if David was not there to calm me down.
That is just who David was. He could calm situations. He was the ultimate good guy. When the Cancer hit him, he did not complain, he did not spend time being down. No, he smiled through it. He was cast in a musical before he was diagnosed and even though he was told not to perform in it, he went on for one scene every night with an IV tucked inside his costume. He was determined to not let Cancer determine his life. That was the ultimate lesson he taught me in life and in his death. We cannot change the things that are thrown at us, but we can decide how we deal with them. Cancer was just a fact of his life, but he would not let it be who he was.
It is never easy to swallow the death of a loved, but when that loved one is 17 years old, it is even tougher. I will never be able to understand why my best friend was taken from this world at such a young age. I understand how lucky I was to have him in my life, even if our time was short. I understand that my life is better for having known him. I understand it is up to me to decide how I am going to live my life. I owe David for teaching me that. I love David for teaching me that.
I used to dread October 6th every year, and it is still tough, and I usually need a few more hugs than normal, but now, I cherish this day as it is a yearly reminder of this awesome friend I had and the incredible lessons he taught me as he battled this awful disease.
I love you David, and I miss you, always.
Thank you so much Kyle for this post!
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