There was a time, a few short years ago, where my goal for this blog was to be a completely changed man by the time I got to my 100th post. In my mind there was this big weight loss reveal where I held up a pair of my fat jeans and then tossed them aside to reveal the new svelte Kyle Hadley. Well, I'm still wearing my fat jeans. I am not svelte. I am not new. Nope, on the surface, I am the same obese Kyle. Nearly 100 pounds less obese, so maybe I downgraded from morbidly obese to plain ole obese. But, let me clear about something, beneath the surface, beneath the obesity, I am a new man.
It is strange to think about the guy I was before I started this journey nearly four years ago. That guy expected to fail at everything, so he rarely did anything. That guy was so disgusted with himself he never stopped to look in a mirror. That guy never brushed his teeth because it didn't matter. He bought clothes with holes in them to save a few bucks because he hated the way he looked, so what did it matter. That guy could not make a relationship work. That guy never stood for himself because he feared people would eventually just make fun of him for being obese. That guy walked around afraid all of the time that everyone was whispering about how gross he was. That guy is no longer in charge here.
He still exists, but he stopped running the show. He was replaced by a new model. The new and improved me (Kyle 2.0) who has lost nearly 100 pounds because he actually, you know, tried some shit. I ran/walked a 5K. I stopped drinking soda. Now I eat chicken and vegetables in the place of Carl's Jr. I pay attention to the food the I eat. I spend time in the gym on a weekly basis. I missed the gym last week when I was too sick to function. I wrote a novel a few years ago because along with those nearly 100 pounds I have shed thus far, I shed a ton of the fear. I walk around now without thinking about being laughed at. I stand up for myself. I have this awesome functioning relationship and am working on shedding the bad people I have let hang around too long.
So my dream of tossing the fat jeans away has not arrived yet, but I can toss away the metaphorical fat jeans and reveal another new model, Kyle 3.0. Kyle 3.0 is studying to get his Master's because he does not want to be complacent. Kyle 3.0 is pursuing publishing the novel that Kyle 2.0 wrote. This newest model wakes up most days looking for the good, even through a tough school year. (he fails some times, but he is trying.) I am logging calories, tracking steps, reading up on proper ways to lose weight. Until the sickness and the broken treadmills I was in the gym 5 days a week. I am reading poetry every day. Kyle 3.0 is doing a better job of taking care of the whole person, and he realizes the number on the scale is a fraction of what the journey was meant to be about.
My newest goal is stop dwelling on Kyle 1.0. It is time to let him go and forgive him. I have to stop thinking about all the time I lost, and focus on taking advantage of the time I have. I am on my way. I hope you'll all stick around and continue this journey with me. And to everyone who has ever read, passed along nice things, told me to keep fighting, or told me how much my journey has inspired, I love you and you all rock.
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