Being frank with students

Two years ago I wrote a post about a student who asked me a lot of questions about weight loss, and obesity and how I dealt with my own obesity. For a few weeks after I wrote that post, I was receiving messages telling me I made a mistake being so honest with a student and other messages applauding me for my honesty with that student. It never entered my mind to not be honest with him, just as it never occurs to me to not be honest with all of my students about most things.

If you want teenagers to be honest with you, they have to respect you. I do not deserve their respect just by being their teacher. I have to earn it on a daily basis, or I am not doing my job. I have found, in my brief time as a teacher, that students respond to honesty. They like to see it in their teachers. Because I am honest with them, usually they are honest with me. They tell me when what we are learning is interesting or useful, or when they are not learning. They are great at letting me know the difference between boredom and exhaustion. We have built a relationship based on being honest with each other. Pretty much the only off-limit topic is my sex life. I have been asked a few times how old I was when I lost my virginity, and it is the only thing I refuse to answer. If they want my political beliefs, they have to come up and ask quietly after class because I do not want to appear as if I am forcing my beliefs on them, but generally I will answer any questions they ask.

I teach many students who are overweight, I think all teachers do. We are an unhealthy nation. By being honest about my struggles, my triumphs, or my fears, these students see someone they recognize. It has given a few of them power to take back control of their own lives. When I told my students that I worked out before school, I had a student come up a week later who told me that knowing I was getting up at 4:30 to work out, made it easier for him to get up at 6 and work out. On any given day I have students coming in to tell me about what they did at Crossfit the night before, or the new vegetables they tried (I might talk about spaghetti squash and cauliflower a lot), or even better, little snacks they like that are healthy. They also ask me for updates on my journey and we commiserate together about how hard working out is, but how rewarding it is, and we all need to remember how good it feels when we complete our work out.

But, when I fail, I tell them. When I go a long time without working out, I am honest when they ask. They understand how it goes. It actually makes them more likely to tell me that they forgot to do the homework, instead of creating some elaborate bullshit excuse. They understand failure is a part of life because I am unafraid to let them see my failure. Some teachers do not want their students to see them make mistakes, but I think it is good. They need to know that mistakes are a natural part of life.

I write about this today because a particularly obese former student of mine emailed me today to tell me that he was able to run a mile without stopping for the first time in his life. He told me that he conquered his fear of the gym and with running in places where people can see him. Occasionally I overshare. Occasionally we get so far away from the topic about which we are learning because we talk about why I didn't drink or do any drugs in high school, or I pause to tell the story of how my stupid masculinity convinced me I could put together a bookcase on my own, which left Martina and I with a leaning bookcase. Sometimes these stories add nothing to the lives of my students, but there are days where something we talk about helps students change habits, or allows them to feel comfortable forming and expressing their own opinions on things, and they get excited when they do new things, and want me to know about it.

So, yes, my students feel comfortable talking to me like I am a person, not a teacher. They say things to me they might not say to other teachers. I am okay with them knowing more about my life if that is what I get in return.