Makeover Week

For the last decade or so, I have had a very strong love/hate relationship with the television program The Biggest Loser. I recognize that it shows incredibly unrealistic weight loss transformations, and that it shows that losing only 1 or 2 or even 3 pounds in a week is not a good thing, and that those people are monitored closely by the best fitness and nutrition experts out there. I also know the show is one of the worst offenders at product placement. I am able to take that all in and am still able to recognize that there are many aspects of the show that are wonderful. The show finds people who genuinely want to make changes to their lives, and have not been able to find the way to do that in their daily lives. I have seen families completely changed by the results of the show. It tells incredibly personal stories and never shies away from showing how weight gain happens. It sets out to show that unhealthy habits are formed over years and years and that it is not all just because people are lazy. The biggest joy in the show comes in the form of makeover week.

With about 7 contestants left at the Biggest Loser ranch, the contestants get full makeovers. They get a wardrobe change, a haircut, a shave, and in a way, a whole new start on life. it is a very in your face metaphor, but these make overs are showing these people a whole new life. They have shed anywhere from 75-125 lbs up tot his point, but the make over is where people really start to see what that change means for them. This week always gets to me more than any other week on the show because it gets to the core of the issues I have with my body.

Over the last two years I have lost over 70 pounds, and have completely changed the way I eat, exercise, and even relate to people on an every day level. I have worked hard to remain active even when I am at my limit emotionally and physically. I do this because I know I have to if I want to be alive for a long time, and the fact of the matter is, until two years, I was not sure I did want to live a very long time. This is not some suicidal confession or anything like that. It is merely me saying that until a few years ago, I think I was okay with the thought that I might not live to see 60 or 70 years old. That has changed dramatically over the last two years, but often times, when I look in the mirror I still see the guy that was there 70 pounds ago. At times that guy feels like he was from another life, but that image of him is still seared into my eyes and when I see myself in the mirror, he is the guy I usually see staring back at me.

Clothes shopping, as an obese person, sucks. I have never enjoyed the process. I am confined to the back of a "regular" store, if they even have a Big and Tall section, or I have to shop at a specialty store that charges an insane amount because they know they can. I have never had much money, and it has made things very hard for me. At a petty young age, I stopped caring about what my clothes looked like. No one was interested in me any way so what did it matter if my clothes were ill fitting, or looked bad on me. It was an extension of how I felt myself. No one else cared, so why should I? For years I shopped at Marshall's looking for clothes that were discounted because that little holes in them, or were disfigured in some way so I an just have clothes on me that fit. It resulted in years of wearing the most raggedly awful looking clothes one could own. It was also where I declined in other aspects of my life, the biggest one being that I stopped taking care of my teeth properly. It was not like anyone was going to look at me any way, so I just did not care. Then when my mouth started to fall apart, I could not afford to do anything properly, so teeth had to go. I am still paying for all of that neglect today, and probably will be for the foreseeable future. Dental work is expensive, ya'll.

This leads us to Makeover week. I have lived my entire life hoping to get out of the Big and Tall section of the store, but never working on getting out of it. Every time I see makeover week I am reminded of what I am actually fighting for. it is not about getting our of the Big and Tall section, it is about getting into the section of the store where I no longer see this person I have been carrying around for the entirety of my adult life. These people look in the mirror and see someone new, who fits into new clothes, who looks different, but somehow familiar. They lose the haircuts that they have been getting every few months because switching it up would only feel bad because no one would notice or care because they, themselves, did not care. Now they care. They see that they can buy clothes anywhere, that they can fit into nice looking clothes, and not feel out of place.

I am still working on losing the guy from 70 pounds ago. I might be working on losing that guy for a long time, because I still have his teeth, and I still have his image when I look into the mirror most times. However, I have started to see the new me, and that started when I purchased clothes from Old Navy for the first time. That may seem incredibly silly to you, but Old Navy has never had a Big and Tall section. I have never in my life thought that it would be possible to fit into anything from that store. It was not a goal of mine to buy things from that store, but it was my goal to be able to fit into something from there. I fit into sweaters form there. I bought 3 of them. I bought pants in the regular section of a store, and I bought T-shirts that are just 2XL, not 2XLT, even worse 4XLT. I no longer need the super long shirts to cover my belly because I can buy pants that go over my stomach now without breaking the bank. I have not hit my makeover week yet because I want to wait to buy a whole new wardrobe until I think I have really lost the old version of myself. I am waiting to get a tailored suit until I am at the size I want to be at, until I am the healthiest version of myself, until I am the version of myself who will live to see 60, 70 and hopefully 80 and 90.