Last night, after returning home from Vallejo, I wanted to get in bed and read. I also wanted to sit down on the couch and watch a movie with my wife and sister-in-law. Instead, I put my gym clothes on, walked down to the gym at our apartment complex, and got on the treadmill. The gym at our apartment complex is a lonely, quiet place on a Saturday night. Every night during the week, someone else was there doing something. Last night, though, it was just me. Me, the treadmill and a 2014 Theater People Podcast episode featuring Lin-Manuel Miranda. This decision to go to the gym on a Saturday night felt major. Not because I was breaking personal records, and not because I wanted to be at the gym more than anything else, no it was precisely because I absolutely positively did not want to spend my Saturday night at the gym. The last four years have been a see-saw in terms of working out, but the one problem was that I never made time for the gym, I simply went when it fit my schedule, and when it no longer fit my schedule, I stopped going. I tried 4:30 in the morning, 5 in the morning, Just on Saturday or Sunday mornings, etc. Nine days into the year, and I have been making the decision to make the gym a part of my routine, no matter what else is going on.
Part of last night's gym decision was fueled by the deception of week one losses. One week into the year, and into my renewed sense of life, I lost six pounds. I feel better, too, which is the most important part of this, of course. But focusing on the weight loss for a second, six pounds is a nice start. It means in one week, I lost the amount of weight I gained in 2015. I am back to what the scale said on January 1st 2015. All I had to do was get on the treadmill for four hours in a week, dance a little but to an XBOX game, not eat any of the dozens of doughnuts at school, eat some vegetables, and BAM six pounds down. If I keep this up, January will be an exceptional month. I can probably roll the confidence of a six pound loss into a month of losing fifteen pounds. February is when it will be get tough. Once the weight stops shedding so easily, that is the key.
I have to admit, this feels different. Different from the year I lost slightly more than a pound a week five years ago. I can sense a level of commitment that has never been there. Who is to say what will happen as the year goes on, but I know that the last few years, I would have sat down on the couch and watched a movie, or gotten into bed and read a book, and not gone to the gym on a Saturday night. I feel stronger in my resolve this time around. Not sure what is sparking it, but I know that now is the time.
A thing that I have been thinking about for the last nine days is time. Because of my commute and outside of class commitment, my job takes up 11 of my waking hours, Mon-Fri. Sleep/trying to get to sleep, takes up between 7-8 hours, which means I have somewhere between 6-7 hours a day for the rest of my life. This includes reading, writing, working out,watching movies, seeing friends, and spending time with my wife. For much of my life, those extra hours would have been spent on the couch watching television. I still watch television, but, I am choosier with my options. Eliminating cable helped. If my financial aide situation gets fixed and I can start Sac State in a week, then Monday and Wednesday, I have no free time. Those days will be rest days.
How do I make the most of my remaining hours? I figure I lose an hour every day to cooking, bathroom, laziness, which gives me five hours. One hour will be dedicated to the gym on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Now I am down to four hours. Four hours a day for me. When I factor in the reading I have to do for my three classes, I probably am realistically down to two hours a day to write, hang with friends, or watch a movie with Martina. When you start to realize how precious your time is, you realize what is important to you, but more importantly, you realize who is important to you.
I envision many more Saturday nights at the gym. I actually had a great time last night. I am still a bit unsure of myself when other people are in the gym. I still think that people are glaring at me. I still think people mock me, which I know they do not, but it is hard to get out of the mindset that has been with you for most of your life.
I am finding peace, slowly but surely. I have dedicated myself to so much change this year, and in only nine days I feel tremendous growth. I have talked about letting go of bad energy, but it was always about letting go of the bad energy others gave me, not from within myself. This year, it comes from within.
Let's all make 2016 our best year ever.
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