A host of short random thoughts

First off, I have reached a frustrating place in my workouts. I have achieved a place where my mind is at one level and my body is at another level. Every morning I wake up and think I am going to do all of these things and run this fast for this long and my body is just not there yet. Early this week I was feeling sick and decided I would just do a short workout on the stationary bike and ended up doing 8 miles on it. It wore me out for two full days because my body was just not really ready for it. My body is still obese, but my mind is not obese anymore. It is a great thing in one aspect, but frustrating on another aspect. I love that I now no longer think that I cannot do things, that I am no longer hindered by my weight, but my body is still obese and it still hurts to push myself too much because I have all of this weight pushing down on my knees, ankles, shins, etc. I know I need to balance pushing myself the right amount and pushing myself to injury. I am working on it because my mind just wants to go go go.

Banana splits have long been my favorite dessert. Last April when I decided to get healthy, I knew they had to go. There was a summer, a particularly depressing summer, where I would make myself a legitimate banana split almost nightly and almost always at like 1 am. I knew denying myself them would be difficult, but I told myself when I got to 60 pounds (I once lost over 50 pounds and then stopped, but 60 would be a massive milestone for me) I would allow myself to have one. Well, I reached that goal and last weekend I allowed myself to have a banana split. NEVER AGAIN! Every single bite was incredible, but every single bite was later rejected by my body. It left me feeling so awful, and queasy and miserable that I know I cannot inhale that much sugar and/or dairy any longer. I am actually glad I did it. I needed to know that my body had in fact changed.

A few days ago I was talking to a regular customer who was telling me how difficult it had been for her to lose weight (buying a large soda was probably not helping) and I told her that I was going through the same things and that last year I lost 60 pounds. She seemed shocked and asked me what my secret was and I just told her exactly what I did. I cut out fast food, soda and most sweets, and started working out. She did not believe me. She thought I had to be taking something or had surgery or something. I tried to tell her that I just did it the old fashioned way, and that I was still doing it. I have not had any soda this calendar year and I have had fast food once this calendar year. I told her I was amazed at how much I lost right at first by just cutting out fast food and soda. Eventually she decided I was joking with her and she took her large soda and left. In my many years of trying to lose weight, I have done many many things that I thought would help me lose weight quickly. It was only last year when I realized it was not a sprint, that I have been able to have success.

One place where I am still struggling and it is always this way when working at a movie theater (the biggest reason I hate it), is in eating late. Often times I eat lunch at around 1:00 and do not get dinner until my break at 8:00 and then when I get off of work at midnight or around there, I am hungry. before, I would just stop off at Taco Bell or Carl's Jr, but that is not how I operate anymore. I have been having some luck being able to actually afford produce over the last few weeks, but this week, it just did not work with my budget. With that in mind, I need plan my budget better. I need to have carrots at home that I can snack on when I get home from work late at night. I need to avoid stopping at AM/PM for a 99 cent bag of chips or something like that. it is a big issue for me because working at a movie theater puts me back in the mind frame of staying up all night snacking, like I have done for so long in the past.