Before I head deep into today's post, a little update on my knee. I bit the bullet and saw a doctor this week because I knew I had a show and wanted to understand how much damage I was doing. I have strained ligaments in my knee. I am wearing a brace, icing it a bit and taking Motrin for the pain. I am resting it anytime I am not at the theater. It is frustrating and I feel it is hindering my performance, which really irks me. Okay on to the post.
There are two times of year where I get very reflective: New Year's Day and my birthday. The two days are enough apart that they act as great barometers on my life. I am also very reflective on any day where I am awake and breathing. I cannot help it, my brain is stupid active. It is my blessing and my curse. I turn 32 tomorrow. I do not feel 32 because I do not live the life of so many 32 year old people that I know. When I see former classmates on Facebook, it makes me feel like I am living a very different life. So many of them have families, and are already full into their careers. I live in a house with 3 roommates and and am looking for my first job in my career. I feel like I live the life of a 25 year old. I am not saying it is a good thing, or a bad thing, just that it exists. There are times when I worry that I am not doing it right. What is "it"? Well, life. Then I remember that there is not one specific path that everyone is supposed to follow. We arrive at places on our own time table. And that is what makes this life so interesting.
Beyond that, I like to take stock on my life around my birthday. I like to ask myself where am I in relation to last year. I feel very much in the same place as last year in so many ways. Some might find that kind of stalling a bad thing, but considering for the few years prior to that, I was a depressed mess around my birthday, I will take this place. I am on the verge of finally beginning my career. I have direction. It is shocking how great it can feel to just have an idea of what you are doing in life. However, there is one place where I am truly feeling much better this year. It is this journey I am on. I know this blog has, at times, felt bi-polar. I move back and forth between feeling like I can do anything and feeling that I can do nothing. I think, though, that the fact I am TRYING is what puts me in a better place than last year.
Yes, I have had a series of setbacks. I have had 1 soda every four weeks. I have had McDonald's chicken nuggets twice in the last 8 weeks and I have had stretches where I was not as active as I would like, but last year at this time, I would have had a soda every day for 12 weeks and I would have had more fast food than I could count and I would not have been active at all. Every day I decide to make myself a salad instead of buying a Double Western bacon Cheeseburger, I win. Every day I drink water instead of soda, I win. Wins add up! Small victories are as important as big victories because on tough days, those small victories are worth celebrating. I have lost roughly 30lbs since I started this. Even as my knee issues hold me back, I have not put any weight back on. No, I have not lost much in the last few weeks, but I am still 30lbs lighter than I was 12 weeks or so ago.
I have this horrible habit of not celebrating the victories in my life, but I am trying to change that. My life is changing on a daily basis. I can almost look in the mirror and feel proud of who I am becoming. This is a milestone for me. I am learning to be proud of the things I do, the person I am and the choices I make in my life. Life is so much better when you allow yourself to pause and smile when you do something good. That momentary smile can carry you through a bad stretch. I am doing what I can to smile more. I am doing what I can to recognize when I have accomplished something positive. For so long in my life, I collected negative thoughts and now I am trying to replace those with positive thoughts and every time I succeed, I stop for a second and acknowledge forward progress. Even one step in the right direction gets you closer to your goal. Not every move forward can be a leap, some are baby steps, but turn around and you will see you are that much closer to that goal that once seemed so unattainable.
Awesome Person Moment:
This post's awesome person is a stranger. On the way home from Sacramento this week, I saw an old man get out of his car to fix his tire on the side of the freeway. Moments later I saw a man pull over and begin to help the old man change his tire. I probably would not have stopped because of my knee, but after seeing that, I realized that I need to pull over and help people who need it if I am able to help. So to that random guy who helped an old man, awesome.
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