Physical Education

I grew up an athlete, as has been documented multiple times in this blog. My mom once told me that my dad wanted us to play as many sports as possible growing up so that in P.E class we would not look foolish. This may seem like a silly reason, but I promise you, it is not. I grew up playing baseball, basketball, football, tennis and yes, even soccer. I knew the rules, I knew how to play and most of all, I was good enough at all of them to never be made fun of during sports in P.E. In fact, my sophomore year in high school, I beat my P.E teacher in tennis and got an automatic A for the semester. I could play sports and I could play them at a level below superstars, but above most people. To be an overweight teenager and not get picked last in sports, always felt like a big deal. Actually, I was often a captain during sports all through middle school, even though I was miserable and had basically no friends. Sports were always a saving grace for me.

However, there was this other side to P.E. The fitness side. There was the President's test, and the mile runs and all of that other stuff that went along with those physical education classes. This is where I failed myself. I was not in great shape. I was not in good shape. I could hide that in sports because I was skilled. I could hit a baseball, shoot a hoop, throw a pass, and serve a tennis ball, I could not, however, run a mile to save my life. Through most of junior high I faked notes from my dad to get out of running the mile (I could mostly forge my dad's signature, but not my mom's.) If I did not fake a note, I would run until everyone was out of my sight and then I would walk the rest of it, finishing well after everyone else had moved on to other things and not paying attention to how slowly I finished a mile. When it came to the president's test, I would literally cry on those days because everyone was around you watching you try to do a pull up, which I could not do. The entire process shamed me. It did not shame me into taking action, no it shamed into not trying. I did not care what anything showed on those tests, I just hated knowing I was going to get teased non stop about my inability to do anything on that stupid fitness test.It is that test that made me afraid of ever trying sit ups, push ups, pull ups and everything else involved. I could literally play circles around 85% of my class in spots, but no one cared about my skills in sports when it came time for this bi-yearly test.

Recently I have taken up CrossFit, as I have mentioned here, and CrossFit has forced me to dig deep within myself and TRY. Sit ups, push ups and pull ups are all a big part of the CrossFit routine. The biggest difference between now and then is no one is making fun of me for trying. In junior high, my P.E. teachers looked passed the teasing, thought nothing of the snickers coming from my classmates as I struggled to do a pull up. They paid no mind to kids calling me the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. I do not bring this up for sympathy or pity, as I have processed that time in my life and dealt with it. When I got out of high school, I was sure I was never going to do anything of those things again because of all the ugliness attached to it all. I was never going to run a mile again because I could not be successful at it. I could not be successful at physical fitness and no one in middle school or high school made me feel like I could. I was these great supportive teachers all through high school, but none of them were there in P.E. Now, at 32 years old, I have these great P.E teachers.

This morning I just missed my 12 minute mile, but I did get 1 and 1/4 mile in 15 minutes on the treadmill and then followed that up with two miles on the bike. I did 3.25 miles of physical fitness today and all under an hour. Tonight I will go to CrossFit and I will probably be asked to do push ups, of which I can now do 6 before going to a modified version. I am so close to being able to do a real sit up again. I am still worlds away from doing a real pull up, but I am trying. In middle school and high school, I would do a mile in probably 20 or 25 minutes. I am bigger now than I was in middle school, but I was scared in middle school. I was scared of everything from the age I was 12 until 18. Now I am on the treadmill running/jogging/walking a mile 5 days a week. This is not just about getting physical healthy, this is about conquering all of the things that scare me. Well, not all of the things, I will never get over my fear of clowns, those things are just unnecessary.

Physical Education made me afraid of physical fitness. Not only that, but I always felt physical education missed teaching me about so much of the idea of being healthy. I understand there is a health class at the high school level, but shouldn't physical education be all encompassing about health? That, I presume, is a topic for another day. When I was a kid, I loved sports, and running around with my friends. Eventually all of that stuff scared me and now I am slowly getting it back. I am remembering what it feels like to build up a nice sweat accomplishing something physically demanding. I am missing basketball and baseball. Honestly, I think the thing I miss the most is playing basketball with my brothers and dad. I am setting clear goals and working towards them. I will have a 12 minute mile before February is over. I wish I had this resolve when I was 13 years old. Who knows what may have happened if I had felt supported by the people at school, or if I just did not care what people said in junior high and high school. I do know this, it is never too late to do a pull up and one day, I will get there.