I have been avoiding the blog again. Well, to be fair, I had every intention of posting, but I was waiting for the fog of frustration to lift. yet, here it lingers. I can feel myself slowly moving through the fog, and am starting to see a faint hazy light and am moving in that direction. it has been a trying nine days, and I know this because I am counting the days as if there is something exciting on the precipice. There is not. There is only my hope to be back in a positive space.
I think I need to find a better routine. When summer began I was good at keeping a routine that was healthy. I have gotten away from that. I need to get up in the morning and not at 11 or 12. I need to get back to cooking breakfast so I have the energy in the morning. I need to keep myself going in some direction. I need stimulation of my creative side. I need to try and allow myself time to create something, a poem, a scene, a short story, even if it is just to sing in a room by myself. I need to get the mental aspect on track. This is the big goal in the coming weeks. Give myself time for me to do the things that spark my light, that turn my wheels. I think we underestimate the importance of those activities. I am keeping up with my book a week, which is a good start!
I have been thinking of a cohesive topic for a blog entry, but I am not sure what kinds of things would interest those who keep coming back to this blog. is charting my progress the big reason read, or should I infuse the blog with my thoughts on health related issues, or is this thing best when it is a literal journal? I honestly have no clue. It is weird for me to have a specific focus on a blog about my life. Ugh, I feel like I am rambling tonight.
Focus, focus focus. One thing I have noticed in terms of food is that I am really great at not buying the crappy food I am used to. I love shopping for healthier snacks and entrees. However, when I elsewhere, like at a party of BBQ, I am terrible at keeping myself within my limits. I snack on chips and unhealthy stuff and I eat and eat and eat. Therefore, my will power is still leaving much to be desired. If temptation is put in front of me, I have yet to figure out how to walk away. This is problematic as I am seriously so incredibly popular that I get invited to big happenings at least 4 times a week. This is yet another thing I need to get under my control. Why does it feel like every time I get a handle on something I realize there is work to be done in other areas. My life is a hydra. I cut off one head and two grow back. Perhaps this is why I ignored all of my issues for so many damn years.
I want to end this blog post by briefly commenting on a big entertainment story of the week. No, not Daniel Tosh's idiot "rape joke" although if you want my opinion, just ask. I want to talk about this blog that had a post calling Kate Upton fat. If you are unaware of Kate Upton, stop now, google her, stare at pictures for 30 minutes, then come back. This is not a paragraph to talk about the heavenly nature of Kate Upton's figure, but it is avenue to which get into a bigger discussion about body image. As many of my readers know, most of my closest friends have been girls. This is just how it has always been. Girls are incredibly harsh on themselves, but also insanely cruel to each other. As I have been witness to an insane amount of that, it has made me incredibly self conscious around groups of the opposite sex. If these gorgeous girls are finding the smallest flaws in themselves and in other girls, what are they saying about all of my fat? It is awful the things I can imagine. It is sad how awful we are to each other. Instead of noticing what we like in people, we are so trained to find the flaws, to compete for...well, I do not even fucking know what we are competing for. In order to make us feel less awful, we want to see that other people have these things wrong to. I am desperately trying to find a way to stop that. It makes me sad. I realize I have not directly made a point here. I think the point is, if we focused more energy on the positive, maybe we would all be happier people? I would love to live in a world where every day people talked about the things we like in ourselves and in other people. So I am going to quickly make a list here of 5 things I really like about myself and would like everyone who reads to do the same. (write 5 things you like about yourself, not 5 things you like about me. I am not that self serving.)
1. I never want to stop learning. My mind needs to fed constantly.
2. I am fiercely protective of those I love.
3. I think I am a good writer, but know I should never think I cannot improve.
4. I give really comforting hugs.
5. I am doing everything I can to be a great example to young people.
P.S Mom, I apologize for the F word. I felt it was vital to the paragraph.
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