My hunger problem/ My wardrobe problem

After most meals, especially big meals, someone will inevitably state "I'm Full." It is a strange thing for me to hear, because I can barely understand it. I am never full, which means I am always hungry. If I am full, I am full for roughly 20 minutes and then I get hungry again. It is as if I am not full, just tired of eating whatever it is I was eating. It is awful when you are trying to lose weight to never feel full. for those of you who want to tell me I am not eating the right foods, save it. I have tried EVERYTHING. Nothing, and I mean nothing keeps me full for very long. I can always eat. I always want to eat. Every fiber of my body craves good at all times. I spend so much time hungry, it is exhausting. I am not sure if anyone else feels this or if I am alone on my island of constant hunger. When people get legitimately full, I get jealous. I am a bottomless pit of food desire. This is not hyperbolic in any way. I wish I was kidding, but almost always, I am hungry less than an hour after eating, even if I just finished eating a huge meal. I have always battled this by snacking all of the time. Chips, candy, ice cream and whatever else I had around to eat. It is part of how I got to be the size I have been. I was an active kid, but I was always hungry. it is a problem that has haunted me my entire life. I have no idea how to cope with it.

Now, I just live with the constant hunger. Some of it is financially motivated. I just cannot keep as much food around as I would like because I cannot afford it. Of course, I am also trying to snack on healthier snacks. However, in all honesty, I am just dealing with the idea of always being hungry. I ate a pretty nice sized meal less than an hour ago and I am already so hungry I just want to eat another full meal. This has become a bigger theme over the last few months as I have tried to back away from the constant eating. I am a total loss on what to do. And yes, I have tried to fill the bottomless pit with water, but that is just a lie. It just makes me feel gross, but does not take away the pangs of hunger shooting through every part of me.

In happier news, I am seeing physical changes. For starters, my watch is just a bit more loose. I started to notice that a few weeks ago. I thought nothing of it at first, but seeing as how I never leave the house without my watch, I know exactly how it has been fitting since Martina bought it for me for our anniversary in march. The biggest change though, leads to my next problem.

A little over two years ago when I lost a bunch of weight that took me from the XXXXL t-shirts to the XXXL t-shirts, I threw out a bunch of clothes. it was easier then because I had money to purchase replacements. Now, none of my t-shirts are starting to get too big, so I am fine there, however, Friday night I put on one of my nice dress shirts, and noticed a big change. I probably last wore my nice purple dress shirt during my final weeks of student teaching, which was early June. It was not a snug fitting shirt, nor was it a loose fitting shirt. In fact, of all the dress shirts I have ever owned, it, along with the 3 others of the exact same kind in different colors, are the best fitting dress shirts I have ever owned. Well, no more. When I put it on Friday night, I was swimming in it. It was super loose fitting and I almost did not wear it out because it looked weird on me.

If ever there was a good problem to have, this is it. I am at a crossroads though, because A) I do not have the money to buy new clothes at this juncture and B) the main hope is to continue losing weight, so if I buy new clothes that fit now, will I just have to buy new ones again IF the weight continues to slowly come off? It may seem arbitrary, or a foolish conundrum, but I have to look at this in a very real way. I think I just have to keep wearing the shirts, even if they are a bit loose at least until it just looks absurdly silly to wear them. I think I have to reassess at a later date, perhaps when I hit my next plateau of weight loss. I can buy new clothes and then have those for a while until I start to really see it come off again.

Make no mistake, I am definitely happy to have this problem. It is always nice to see the change in myself physically. Many people have commented that they see it, but I almost never believe them. Positive encouragement feels great, but in my overactive brain I think that people know it feels great so they offer it even if it is not true. It may not make any sense, but there it is. To see the change really lets me know everything I am working towards is working. Results are happening. Changing one's life is entirely possible. I feel it every day and I see it and hear it every time someone tells me how much happier I seem.